It’s a rather gloomy day as I wake up to a slight drizzle in the morning. I kind of like this weather, it’s starting to cool down in the mornings. It’s just right for a walk in the morning. As I get ready to leave, I see my mobile is blinking its notification light. I check through my messages to find one by my best friend. It’s a three word long message, with a period at the end. It’s cold, sad and it says, ‘Dad no more.’ Suddenly I realize why the day is gloomy. I feel as if I were in some other space. I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel the tears trickle down my cheeks, I can’t feel the sadness but I can feel pain. And it’s very insistent, pressing against the walls of my chest, tearing the surface and making its way out. I shake myself and try to concentrate on the task ahead of me. I need the walk more than ever now.
I start to walk, slowly at first and I pick up pace. I feel almost as if I’m running away from someone… something. And with that my mind starts racing far ahead of me. Someone’s father just died. She had a father yesterday and today he is gone. And he is not coming back. How is one supposed to move on with life like that? This year hasn’t been that good. I have lost a lot of people close to me, friends, teachers, and fathers. Their lives, ending all of a sudden. But our life is not ours alone is it? As we move along, we attach more lives to our very own. And one life ends, leaving the rest in the lurch. Leaving them with a void that can’t be filled. What do you do of this? Humans are very good at filling up empty spaces. But this space? What can you fill it up with? Work? A new relationship? More work? And then what? What replaces a father? These questions were haunting me. Death is something, I haven’t come to terms with… yet.
And as if God knew what was bothering me, he gave me the answer, somewhere in the midst of my ‘forced’ busy day. My mother was talking about her mother (who is no more), and she said, ‘you know what? No matter where we go, no matter what happens, she will always be my mother. She may not be around anymore to take care of me the way she did before. But that doesn’t stop her from being my mother. And that doesn’t stop me from being her daughter.’ And with that I realized something very important. Something that finally gave me some sort of comfort. Death is inevitable. But what really dies? The physical form. The body. The flesh and bones. The blood-purifying heart. The over-active brain. But the soul is something we have never understood. The closest we come to understanding it is in the form of science. And according to our understanding of science; we are all energies. And what’s the most basic law of conservation of energy? Energy can neither be created, nor can it be destroyed. It can only change its form.
The only form we know of a person, of a life, is the physical form. And just because our understanding of the universe ends with that, we assume that death is the end of this energy form. But that is not true, even logically, scientifically. You may lose someone, and you may not feel their presence anymore. But the relationship you had with them lives on, and they continue to exist. In some form or the other and with that fact, today, I feel more comfortable than ever before.
Sure, it’s no consolation for the person who lost a family member. But it’s something to think about. At least it gives us hope. Hope that we shall meet, in death. And that death doesn’t do us apart. I can’t help but end it with a quote from Edgar Allan Poe. For he puts it beautifully, by saying, “The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?”