I want to confess. I have a terribly bad habit. You can say, it’s a vice. I do what a dear friend has coined as ‘a monthly review’ of my life. Well, it’s more like a weekly review. A review on my work, my free time, my relationships and worse – my happiness. Now, it may seem like it’s not that bad an idea. We all must check on ourselves, right? After all that’s how we learn to grow and be better each day. But these reviews do somewhat of an irreplaceable damage to me.
So, here’s how it usually works. I sit down at the end of the day and think about how happy I was that day. As an intelligent person would know, it’s not humanly possible to be happy every day. Even when things go right, all in your favour, one doesn’t always be happy 100% of the time. But then again, I set my goals way too high. Because of which I end up feeling sad and depressed that I wasn’t as happy as I expected to be that day. Sometimes I would even reason and come up with how I can be ‘happier’ each day. Great idea! You must have read articles on it. Tell you what? Sometimes it works, most times it doesn’t. It takes extreme self-control and awareness to train your mind into listening to you. Your mind is the master of you. Scientifically though, you are the master of your mind. It’s a machine that will listen to you and your commands. Sadly, schools, formal education and even experience doesn’t teach us to train our mind. So, we end up being slaves to the chemicals that are bouncing up and down in our complex brain.
When I start to analyze work and relationships, the outcome is even more tragic. Let’s face it, majority of us hate our jobs. And you know what? Jobs are meant to be hated. Those who love their jobs are the ones who aren’t working, they’re pursuing their passion. And very few of us has the guts to do that. So, we stick to our jobs, ones that pay our bills, ones that keep us busy and distracted from the pain of leaving behind our dreams. Hmm. Well, the bills need to be paid. So, what do I do? Shut up and carry on. Throw in a ‘#Friyay’ moment and add some glamour to it.
Relationships are… well, I don’t know. Analyzing relationships should be left to professionals (psychiatrists and counsellors). Because we don’t know anything about it. A relationship has more highs and lows than a sound wave, and most often the end result is noise; not music. But I realize, that’s how it’s supposed to be. You really can’t do quarterly reviews of a relationship. You’ll end up burning more bridges than you knew existed. And that isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes though, it is necessary. When you need to do what, is something no one has an answer to.
So yesterday, as I sat doing my weekly review (this time in front of a spectator) I was yelled at for doing it. Rightfully so. But hey! I don’t like being yelled at. So, I walk away. But the thought lingers around in my head. Long enough for me to write this. And I started to think that what do I really do to make myself feel better about me? People suggest that I must look around and see that I’m doing better than most people, or my peers. But I never liked the idea. Should I really feel better about myself because someone is doing worse than me? Nope. Doesn’t work for me. Some suggest I should look back at where I was last year (or a couple more years before) and see that I’ve achieved a lot. But then again, resting on my past laurels isn’t something that I like to do. I’m living in the here and now. What I did 3 years ago, is done and that time is gone. It does nothing for me today.
So, I thought hard and long, but I came up with nothing. At this point I must mention, if you were expecting a doable idea or solution at the end of this long read, I’m sorry. I don’t have it. What I do have is an age-old but effective tool – writing a journal. Now I know what you’re thinking, that this is stupid, it doesn’t help. I know why you would think that too. I too have a several books claiming to my journal wherein I vent out every now and then. I’m not talking about that. Though I think that’s important too.
I’m talking about my ‘Good times journal’. A tiny book I carry along with me everywhere. Every morning (feel free to find your rhythm), I jot down 3 things that I’m thankful for, or that I like about my day. Sounds silly, sounds like the kind of thing you’ve read in 20 sites. Silly or not, this thing can change the way you feel every day. It is nothing but little commands to your brain every single day to feel ‘good’. It goes without saying that this won’t work every single time, and that you will still have shitty days and somedays you will really have to rack your brains to come up with one good thing. But keep at it. Those day you can flip back and celebrate the smaller joys of life. And if that doesn’t make you feel good, then I don’t know what will.
Here’s a look at my today’s entry:
This little notebook saves most of days. I don’t know if it’ll do the same for you. But if you have another idea or solution that helps you get through shitty days, tell me. I could always use help.
P.S: Never underestimate the healing powers of a warm bath